Stealing My Folks Bed

My current (commandeered) bed and my current roommates

So confession time, I steal beds. Not just in the bed hog way, though that’s been attributed to me as well. (Jenna, my sister, likes to share a story where when we were young and sharing a bed on vacation, she gets out of bed for a drink of water, comes back, and finds me spread out in a starfishesque pose and stiff as a board. This isn’t the only account that has been brought forth to me, so apparently it’s a chronic habit). But I am not referring to that today. I am referring to actual bed stealing.

It is always my parents bed. I think the first time I did it was quite a few years back when dad was down and out with a shattered ankle due to a woodcutting accident (probably not as bad as you are invisioning, but terrible none the less. And seriously my family needs to stop with the medical issues) Their bedroom being upstairs at that time, he was stuck in a hospital bed in the living room for two months. Mom stole my small twin to be able to be nearby. This left me with a giant King bed in the master as my new home. Oh how nice. I could sleep like a starfish to my hearts content and still have room to spare. And then of course I get to snuggle not only with my own cat but the added bonus of moms. Even when my parents found a replacement bed for me, I simply ignored the fact and kept theirs until they finally moved back in and kicked me out.

This had created a wonderful precedence which had become an expected rule of thumb. If Dad is out of town and I am at my folks, I -at the age of 23 – still steal his side of the bed at night. If I am visiting during the day and mysteriously disappear, someone invariably offers the explanation that I am “probably in the Master bedroom”. That is indeed usually where I am, visiting my cat Topaz as I couldn’t bring her with me when I moved out.

When discussing plans with my Broski for this first weekend that my folks are gone, he mentioned one of his friends taking the guest room. “I figured you would crash in Mom and Dad’s anyway.” He was right. I see no reason to abandon tradition now.


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